Iris and I had just returned from the marriage breakthrough weekend at the Renaissance Hotel JB from 13 to 15 March 2015. It was our first breakthrough weekend ever since we've moved to Covenant EFC since March 2013. We had initially wanted to attend the one-and-only marriage breakthrough weekend last year but we had other commitments and priorities to attend to, and through the encouraging testimonies, we signed up for the marriage breakthrough weekend as early as the registration was opened.
I must admit I had no clue and expectations of what this marriage breakthrough weekend might be. Now, after the 3-day-2-night sessions I could safely say it was more than a conference, a camp or a workshop that we were all familiar with. Sure, there were testimonies, there were messages, and there were group discussions and even a separate forum catered to the men and the women. Food and accommodation aside (which was fantastic, especially the hotel rooms), our unexpected hearts were perhaps the most ideal to encounter and experience God for ourselves.
We were treated to a thoroughly thought through organized weekend by the committee who went the extra mile to give a personal touch to every one of the participants. Upon arrival, we were treated to an applauding walk-in and a customized prayer by our group leaders. Soon enough, we found out that the committee went the extra mile to add to the hotel's decorations of a origami swan towel a splatter of rose petals and a personal welcome card in our hotel rooms. Surprises were abound and we were treated to a really special night with a candle light dinner (with a table just for us two!) and a colour sand activity that added to the special night.
The sessions and testimonies during the day brought about God's faithfulness and grace upon every marriage. We heard testimonies of couples returning to their marriage even after separation, after big fights and deep hurts. The sessions in themselves helped us orientate ourselves back to God's intended purpose and direction for marriage itself. Group sessions were also helpful, where we shared our struggles and experiences and lessons we learned from the messages. The men's forum, in particular, brought about many golden nuggets of truth and 'ah-hah' moments. There were head knowledge and there was also practical moments.
We were given a crash course lesson on Waltz dancing and we were thrown onto the dance floor on the special night with our other half. It was fun to some, while it was memories to others, including to Iris and myself. We had never danced before as a couple (saved for a welcome dance in at our wedding banquet dinner but that was it!) so that was one of the many firsts for us both.
The last session this morning was more than what we had expected in view of practical activities as a couple. The previous night, we were given time to share the communion together in the mist of the many opportunities for us to pray together as a couple. However, this morning's activity was an experience that would be imprinted onto my memory for a long time. We were given a basin, two towels and two bottles of water to wash each other's feet. More to that, we were to acknowledge our wrong and seek the forgiveness of the other party, which as a couple I admitted that we had not often done that (i.e. seek a proper closure to any quarrels, arguments or fights). As Iris and I did that separately to each other, tears fell down our cheeks as we came to a realization that we had often failed each other and had not lived up to each other's expectations.
The three main sessions were on the topic of control, alternate and delete, which was a theme for the year of Jubilee. However, what I took away was more than that and I am thankful that the pastors, elders and leaders were more authentic and wise than I had thought them to be. For example, Elder Sebastian, even though he appeared to be a clown whenever he was on the stage, had very wise words for the men at the forum. He shared on how we need to inspire and lead our wives instead of simply dishing out instructions. Remove and replace was the principle needed to change any bad habit and attitude, he taught. And he reminded that there is nothing more important than trust in a relationship. And his last principle was an honest truth to us, that we need to learn to validate the feelings of our wives.
Pastor Kai meanwhile gave wonderful reminders for us men to aware of our wive's feelings, given that as men we are more often very task oriented and focused in the head while women are more often emotions driven and feelings oriented. Hence, all the more we are to appreciate our wives for who they are, and not what they had done (i.e. not so much of the accomplished tasks) and all the more we are to help them feel accepted for it builds up their security and identity in themselves and in their spouse. Last, we must learn to take time to admire our wives--admire their beauty, their taste and their capabilities.
I must say there is a lot for me to learn, and likewise there are a lot for me to adjust my life and centre it around my beautiful wife in order to build a Christ-centred family. The trap for me is to be constantly centred on my own life and my own space, which could lead to an unhappy marriage. I must began working on it as soon as today is still considered day.
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