This would be the final day we would say our goodbyes to grandma.
I woke up with a heavy heart and a tired body. As usual, I went on ahead to make the last deposit of the wake and returned to find everyone getting ready for the last rites and prayers before sending grandma to the crematorium.
Many would turned up to pay their last respects and there were two big-head dolls who would dance to appease and humour grandma. We would then last make our last prayers to grandma before, again, kneeling down and crying out to grandma before her coffin was loaded unto the hearse.
The funeral uncle in charge then instructed Dad, myself, Mum and Iris to begin pushing the hearse as we make the last journey with grandma to Mandai crematorium. As we began to move out, I specifically noticed a butterfly flying over the hearse into the space as we walked on. About fifty minutes later, Dad was asked to kneel by the roadside and cried out to grandma as the hearse passed by.
Somewhere down a few hundred metres later, we were told to board the coaches as we were to cease the last walk with the hearse. Mum, Iris and I hurriedly went to our car in our wake clothing, and putting on my boat shoes, I drove down with a burdened heart and tired and exhausted, none of us really spoke in the car and we quietly drove to the crematorium.
We arrived first in the crematorium hall where the last rites and prayers would take place and walked the last time around grandma's coffin. Minutes later, we were ushered into the viewing hall where we knew we would see grandma's coffin the very last time before it would be sent into the furnace.
Dad carefully carried grandma's portrait into the viewing room, and all of grandma's daughters stood with us in the front viewing row. Sobs begun to creep into the quiet room and as soon as we see grandma's coffin being wheeled onwards, sobs turned into loud wailing and tears begun to flow.
I hugged Dad from behind when I heard him cried (for only the second time in my entire life) and before long, we waved goodbye to grandma's coffin as it was sent into the furnace. Our hearts sank and none of us were consolable. When all was finished, we were again ushered into another bigger space to return our mourning pins and washed ourselves up.
We made our way back to the Yishun temple where grandma's tablet would reside for the next hundred days. The rest, meanwhile, would return wake at the void deck and have a late lunch and finished off from there. I drove Dad and Mum back to Sembawang before Iris and I returned back home wearied and tired from an eventful Friday.
Sunday would come by very fast and we would make our way back to Mandai crematorium to collect grandma's ashes. All of grandma's children, including Iris, my sister and family, would drop in a coin as symbol of luck would pick one of grandma's remains into the urn before it would be sealed up.
Dad then carefully carried grandma for one last time under a wooden umbrella and hopped into my car, where I drove grandma to the Yishun columbarium. For the first time, we saw grandpa's niche which was nicely located in the middle with a great view on the very first block.
There, a contractor explained to us that he would need to open up grandpa's niche to examine his urn and determine if grandma's urn would fit in together with grandpa's. It turned out that grandpa's urn was larger and had to be transferred to a small urn.
We were however rather surprised when grandpa's urn was opened up and we saw almost a full urn of grandpa's ashes. Similar to grandma's ashes, we each put in a coin and transferred grandpa's ashes in his new urn. Then, together with grandma's urn, both of their urns were placed side by side in the niche, and a new niche tablet has been crafted earlier to reflect both grandpa's and grandma's names on the original grandpa's niche.
Over the next few multiple of seven days, we would gather at grandma's tablet at the Yishun temple to pay our respect to her. In fact, the last of the seven times seven days after grandma's death was to be 1st of October 2017, where grandma would continue to rest at the temple for a year before finally moving to the columbarium to be rested with grandpa.
My Grandma's Passing (Part 2)
We had only a short wink before we knew it was nearly nine in the morning. Grandma's body would be embalmed and returned to us before eleven at the void deck. So we dressed ourselves simply and made our way to Aunty Gek's house, which was a few streets away.
Some of the aunties were already there when Iris and I arrived. Pa and Ma were already there, who had briefly took a short rest at home before coming over, like Iris and myself. Most of them showed a certain weariness from the long night and the emotional loss.
Workers from the funeral services were already pitching the tents and setting up the lights, drinkers chiller, etc., among many other set ups that they had arranged. A young man in the trade with a bluetooth earpiece came along and asked us for the details of the family tree: how many sons and daughters, how many grandchildren, how many sons-in-law, daughters-in-law etc.
We paused for a long while, doing the calculations before realizing that our family is really big, nearing 70 children, grandchildren and great grandchilden in all. Grandma was indeed very blessed.
Before long, grandma's body came along and the uncle in charge, who happened to be related to Jason, took over. He instructed Pa to shelter grandma's body as it was being carried in, while having us kneeled over and crying out for grandma while she was taking her place at the wake.
Prayers were swiftly offered to grandma with the monk leading and chanting. For the first time, I saw how Pa took charge of things, and people were all going to him for decisions and opinions. He soldiered on, even though I knew he was mentally and physically getting tired by the hour.
After all the initial traditions, we finally get to see grandma face to face. Grandma looked peaceful, while the make-up on her was nicely done. Round incense were scattered on her before a golden pearl was put between her lips.
Sadly, I saw that the embalmers have wrapped grandma's right arm with a clear wrap, very possibly due to her skin cancer condition. Nonetheless, we knew grandma has finally been relieved of all these physical pain and aliments she has suffered these years.
Going into the afternoon, Iris and I went back again to our home for a rest before coming back to do the first night duty of attending to the wake. The first night was pretty quiet, as word of my grandma's passing has yet to reach others. Dad in the mean time was busy making sure that things were organized and important decisions were made. Yet the weariness was slowly being to dawn upon him.
The very next day on the second day of the wake, I made a trip to the bank with Aunt Gek after watching the night on the first evening of the wake, before sending my dad and my mum to Yishun to enquire on the resting place for grandma for the first hundred days. We scouted around, made our enquiries before we headed over to Yishun Columbarium where grandpa has been resting for the past 40 over years.
The second evening of the wake saw a lot more guests as they came and offered their last respects to grandma. Iris and I let the others watched the night as we were on rotation shift. On the first night when the few of us were on duty, we struggled to keep awake. Jernice, Ruqing and Iris tried to keep ourselves awake by playing handphone group games while Diona was promptly knocked out shortly after midnight.
My evening and morning duties during the four nights had been tiring, mainly with accounting for the condolences monetary gifts around the stroke of midnight and depositing the money early in the morning. So Iris and I took time whenever we can, for a quick wash up and rest in the afternoons whenever we had the luxury of time.
On and off, I would take time to take a peep at grandma at her resting place whenever I can. That would be the last few times I would be able to see her face to face, except that I could no longer hold her hand and converse with her.
During the five days of the wake, we were all very concerned for Dad as he was running about and busy most of the time. Furthermore, he was manning around during the evenings and watching the night along with us cousins on duty. Thankfully, on the fourth night we managed to persuade him to come to our house to sleep for the night, even though it was only for a short six to eight hours. Nonetheless, it was the first time Dad stepped into our house also, and I was privately delighted.
On the last night of the wake, scores of people came and paid their respect to grandma. While they were having their rites and prayers, about twenty of us gathered behind the tent and prayed for grandma. It was our first time where us Christians gathered together to pray in our languages, whether in English or in Mandarin. It was just a sweet picture of aunties, uncles, nephews and nieces gathering together in unison and in harmony unto the Lord.
Some of the aunties were already there when Iris and I arrived. Pa and Ma were already there, who had briefly took a short rest at home before coming over, like Iris and myself. Most of them showed a certain weariness from the long night and the emotional loss.
Workers from the funeral services were already pitching the tents and setting up the lights, drinkers chiller, etc., among many other set ups that they had arranged. A young man in the trade with a bluetooth earpiece came along and asked us for the details of the family tree: how many sons and daughters, how many grandchildren, how many sons-in-law, daughters-in-law etc.
We paused for a long while, doing the calculations before realizing that our family is really big, nearing 70 children, grandchildren and great grandchilden in all. Grandma was indeed very blessed.
Before long, grandma's body came along and the uncle in charge, who happened to be related to Jason, took over. He instructed Pa to shelter grandma's body as it was being carried in, while having us kneeled over and crying out for grandma while she was taking her place at the wake.
Prayers were swiftly offered to grandma with the monk leading and chanting. For the first time, I saw how Pa took charge of things, and people were all going to him for decisions and opinions. He soldiered on, even though I knew he was mentally and physically getting tired by the hour.
After all the initial traditions, we finally get to see grandma face to face. Grandma looked peaceful, while the make-up on her was nicely done. Round incense were scattered on her before a golden pearl was put between her lips.
Sadly, I saw that the embalmers have wrapped grandma's right arm with a clear wrap, very possibly due to her skin cancer condition. Nonetheless, we knew grandma has finally been relieved of all these physical pain and aliments she has suffered these years.
Going into the afternoon, Iris and I went back again to our home for a rest before coming back to do the first night duty of attending to the wake. The first night was pretty quiet, as word of my grandma's passing has yet to reach others. Dad in the mean time was busy making sure that things were organized and important decisions were made. Yet the weariness was slowly being to dawn upon him.
The very next day on the second day of the wake, I made a trip to the bank with Aunt Gek after watching the night on the first evening of the wake, before sending my dad and my mum to Yishun to enquire on the resting place for grandma for the first hundred days. We scouted around, made our enquiries before we headed over to Yishun Columbarium where grandpa has been resting for the past 40 over years.
The second evening of the wake saw a lot more guests as they came and offered their last respects to grandma. Iris and I let the others watched the night as we were on rotation shift. On the first night when the few of us were on duty, we struggled to keep awake. Jernice, Ruqing and Iris tried to keep ourselves awake by playing handphone group games while Diona was promptly knocked out shortly after midnight.
My evening and morning duties during the four nights had been tiring, mainly with accounting for the condolences monetary gifts around the stroke of midnight and depositing the money early in the morning. So Iris and I took time whenever we can, for a quick wash up and rest in the afternoons whenever we had the luxury of time.
On and off, I would take time to take a peep at grandma at her resting place whenever I can. That would be the last few times I would be able to see her face to face, except that I could no longer hold her hand and converse with her.
During the five days of the wake, we were all very concerned for Dad as he was running about and busy most of the time. Furthermore, he was manning around during the evenings and watching the night along with us cousins on duty. Thankfully, on the fourth night we managed to persuade him to come to our house to sleep for the night, even though it was only for a short six to eight hours. Nonetheless, it was the first time Dad stepped into our house also, and I was privately delighted.
On the last night of the wake, scores of people came and paid their respect to grandma. While they were having their rites and prayers, about twenty of us gathered behind the tent and prayed for grandma. It was our first time where us Christians gathered together to pray in our languages, whether in English or in Mandarin. It was just a sweet picture of aunties, uncles, nephews and nieces gathering together in unison and in harmony unto the Lord.
My Grandma's Passing (Part 1)
Grandma passed away on the early morning hours on Monday, 14 August 2017. She was 95 this year.
I could clearly remember that as Iris and I were first awoken by her iPad mini's incoming call rings. Initially, I tried to brushed off the distraction by shoving the tablet into her face, before we were confronted with an unknown hand phone number. Out of curiosity, I checked my handphone as per my usual habit, and saw a list of familiar unanswered calls. They were from my Aunt Gek and my cousin Dionna.
Before long, that small innocent device on my palm rang. It was from Aunt Gek. I picked up her call and greeted her in an unpolished raw voice. "Hello, Aunt Gek."
"Hi James."
"Sorry to call you so late," she said. That was her usual apologetic yet polite way of greeting.
"The hospital just called. Grandma is not making it. You want to make a trip down immediately?"
I went into a state of shock. Iris, who was looking at me, probably overheard our conversation and stared into me with her sympathic eyes.
"Ok, I'll rush down now," I replied.
"Can you call your parents also? I called them but cannot get them," she asked.
"Sure, I'll call them," and I hung up after recovering and composing myself.
I searched through my handphone's contact list and called my dad almost immediately. No reply. He must be sleeping and left his handphone in the living room, I thought. I searched through my dad's contact profile again and dialed home instead. The phone began to ring. Within a minute, my dad picked up the call.
"Pa, Aunt Gek just called. The hospital just called and said ah ma is not making it. We need to rush to the hospital now," I said in an unhurried voice.
"Ok, can you come and pick ma and me up," he asked. "Sure, I'll come over in half an hour. See you downstairs," I replied, before hanging up the phone call.
I composed myself, got out of my bed, and I asked Iris if she should like to go hospital with me. Yes, she said. So we changed in an unfashioned manner and without hesitation, and collected our car in the multi storey carpark. I sped almost every kilometre of my journey from Buangkok to Sembawang where my parents lived, mindful of the hidden traffic speed cameras and the occasional road blocks. Thankfully, I was not picked and there were no road blocks.
Pa and Ma were patiently waiting at the deck of their housing block when we arrived about 20 minutes. The time was around 1.20am, I vividly remembered. I sped through the traffic again, clocking almost a record speed of 120km/hr, the fastest in my short 5 years of driving on Singapore roads. Pa asked me to slow down and not to rush, but for the first time probably in our relationship, I could not listen to him. Ah Ma is leaving us, I need to see her for the last time, I thought to myself.
I alighted Pa, Ma, and Iris when we reached Tan Tock Seng Hospital at around 1.40am. Finding a car lot was not a hassle, but finding my way out of the basement carpark proved a bit daunting. I rushed to the reception cum security counter, shouted to them "Ward 7B, Bed 43!"
The security lady was understanding. The gantry barrier to the lifts was almost immediately lifted, and I took the lift to the ward.
A crowd was already forming at Ward 7B. Aunt Gek, the rest of the aunties and their spouses, Pa, Ma, Iris and my sister Fann were already there. And I saw a curtain that was already drawn around grandma's bed.
I rushed over and went through the crowd to my grandma. I called out to her gently and said, "Grandma, it's me. It's James," and I gently rubbed her left hand. It was getting cold.
Tears began to fall down my cheeks as I tried to hold back. I could not.
I sobbed silently. The time has finally come for me to say my final goodbye and feel my grandma for the last time.
We waited for a few more relatives to come say their goodbyes and see grandma for the last time.
We tried in vain also to reach a few other cousins, like Jernice, who was not reachable. Aunt Gam (the fourth child of my grandma) was also not there as we heard she was sick.
Quiet conversations began to take place in small groups among us. Shortly after, the attending doctor came by and reported to us the ordeal:
The time was around 1am. The nurse on her hourly rounds checked on grandma, but found her pulse very weak. She alerted the attending doctor, who told her to immediately notify my Aunt Gek. That was when all the wee hours calls took place. In the meantime, at around 1.27am, the attending doctor checked on my grandma again, and that was where she found her pulse flat.
Grandma's death was then certified to be at 1.27am. Cause of death was due to kidney failure last stage.
And thus, very likely when we were all there, grandma has already breathed her last without seeing most of us. But scientifically, we thought that her brain was probably still active even when the heart has stopped pumping. Aunty Choo even thought that she saw tears flowing down grandma's eyes when she was beside her.
But the fact remained: grandma has passed on.
The following few hours seemed long and grim. We waited for the doctor to give us the certificate of death, while we arranged for the undertaker to come collect grandma's body. Meanwhile, we cleared out grandma's belongings at the bed and we set aside another set of clothes for grandma after the undertaker has cleaned her up.
The hours passed by slowly, and painfully.
Dad went on to collect the certificate, and after some instructions from the hospital staff, we went on to claim her body. There was another Malay family at the waiting area, and within a while we met Jason's father-in-law who was in the undertaker business.
After Dad signed all the necessary documents at the counter, we were ushered into a small room where grandma was dressed in her home clothes but wrapped in a white plastic sheet. My heart sank when I saw how she was treated.
The undertaker, Meng, went through some traditions with us which included telling grandma that she would be going to Toa Payoh to be dressed up, in what they believed would call the spirit along with the body.
Then they loaded grandma up in what seems to be a careless transfer, that I almost call out to the bearers to be gentle with my grandma. And the Toyota Hiace van was shut. I couldn't see grandma for that moment from then on.
We were told to be ready at Block 533 Hougang Avenue 8 by 10am the next day, where grandma would come back, dressed and beautified for one last time.
We quietly made arrangements to ferry the aunties and uncles who were there. I drove Aunt Gek, her husband, Dionna, and the maid, Angel, back. But the ride was unusually quiet for all of us as we were individually trying to process and begin the grief of losing our beloved grandma. In the unearthly hours, I made a long detour back home too.
We dropped off Aunt Gek and her family, and Iris and I decided to have an early breakfast at nearly 5am. We haven't quite slept a bit, and after making all the necessary leave arrangements, we could only finish a simple Teochew fishball noodles before making our way back home for a quick rest.
I could clearly remember that as Iris and I were first awoken by her iPad mini's incoming call rings. Initially, I tried to brushed off the distraction by shoving the tablet into her face, before we were confronted with an unknown hand phone number. Out of curiosity, I checked my handphone as per my usual habit, and saw a list of familiar unanswered calls. They were from my Aunt Gek and my cousin Dionna.
Before long, that small innocent device on my palm rang. It was from Aunt Gek. I picked up her call and greeted her in an unpolished raw voice. "Hello, Aunt Gek."
"Hi James."
"Sorry to call you so late," she said. That was her usual apologetic yet polite way of greeting.
"The hospital just called. Grandma is not making it. You want to make a trip down immediately?"
I went into a state of shock. Iris, who was looking at me, probably overheard our conversation and stared into me with her sympathic eyes.
"Ok, I'll rush down now," I replied.
"Can you call your parents also? I called them but cannot get them," she asked.
"Sure, I'll call them," and I hung up after recovering and composing myself.
I searched through my handphone's contact list and called my dad almost immediately. No reply. He must be sleeping and left his handphone in the living room, I thought. I searched through my dad's contact profile again and dialed home instead. The phone began to ring. Within a minute, my dad picked up the call.
"Pa, Aunt Gek just called. The hospital just called and said ah ma is not making it. We need to rush to the hospital now," I said in an unhurried voice.
"Ok, can you come and pick ma and me up," he asked. "Sure, I'll come over in half an hour. See you downstairs," I replied, before hanging up the phone call.
I composed myself, got out of my bed, and I asked Iris if she should like to go hospital with me. Yes, she said. So we changed in an unfashioned manner and without hesitation, and collected our car in the multi storey carpark. I sped almost every kilometre of my journey from Buangkok to Sembawang where my parents lived, mindful of the hidden traffic speed cameras and the occasional road blocks. Thankfully, I was not picked and there were no road blocks.
Pa and Ma were patiently waiting at the deck of their housing block when we arrived about 20 minutes. The time was around 1.20am, I vividly remembered. I sped through the traffic again, clocking almost a record speed of 120km/hr, the fastest in my short 5 years of driving on Singapore roads. Pa asked me to slow down and not to rush, but for the first time probably in our relationship, I could not listen to him. Ah Ma is leaving us, I need to see her for the last time, I thought to myself.
I alighted Pa, Ma, and Iris when we reached Tan Tock Seng Hospital at around 1.40am. Finding a car lot was not a hassle, but finding my way out of the basement carpark proved a bit daunting. I rushed to the reception cum security counter, shouted to them "Ward 7B, Bed 43!"
The security lady was understanding. The gantry barrier to the lifts was almost immediately lifted, and I took the lift to the ward.
A crowd was already forming at Ward 7B. Aunt Gek, the rest of the aunties and their spouses, Pa, Ma, Iris and my sister Fann were already there. And I saw a curtain that was already drawn around grandma's bed.
I rushed over and went through the crowd to my grandma. I called out to her gently and said, "Grandma, it's me. It's James," and I gently rubbed her left hand. It was getting cold.
Tears began to fall down my cheeks as I tried to hold back. I could not.
I sobbed silently. The time has finally come for me to say my final goodbye and feel my grandma for the last time.
We waited for a few more relatives to come say their goodbyes and see grandma for the last time.
We tried in vain also to reach a few other cousins, like Jernice, who was not reachable. Aunt Gam (the fourth child of my grandma) was also not there as we heard she was sick.
Quiet conversations began to take place in small groups among us. Shortly after, the attending doctor came by and reported to us the ordeal:
The time was around 1am. The nurse on her hourly rounds checked on grandma, but found her pulse very weak. She alerted the attending doctor, who told her to immediately notify my Aunt Gek. That was when all the wee hours calls took place. In the meantime, at around 1.27am, the attending doctor checked on my grandma again, and that was where she found her pulse flat.
Grandma's death was then certified to be at 1.27am. Cause of death was due to kidney failure last stage.
And thus, very likely when we were all there, grandma has already breathed her last without seeing most of us. But scientifically, we thought that her brain was probably still active even when the heart has stopped pumping. Aunty Choo even thought that she saw tears flowing down grandma's eyes when she was beside her.
But the fact remained: grandma has passed on.
The following few hours seemed long and grim. We waited for the doctor to give us the certificate of death, while we arranged for the undertaker to come collect grandma's body. Meanwhile, we cleared out grandma's belongings at the bed and we set aside another set of clothes for grandma after the undertaker has cleaned her up.
The hours passed by slowly, and painfully.
Dad went on to collect the certificate, and after some instructions from the hospital staff, we went on to claim her body. There was another Malay family at the waiting area, and within a while we met Jason's father-in-law who was in the undertaker business.
After Dad signed all the necessary documents at the counter, we were ushered into a small room where grandma was dressed in her home clothes but wrapped in a white plastic sheet. My heart sank when I saw how she was treated.
The undertaker, Meng, went through some traditions with us which included telling grandma that she would be going to Toa Payoh to be dressed up, in what they believed would call the spirit along with the body.
Then they loaded grandma up in what seems to be a careless transfer, that I almost call out to the bearers to be gentle with my grandma. And the Toyota Hiace van was shut. I couldn't see grandma for that moment from then on.
We were told to be ready at Block 533 Hougang Avenue 8 by 10am the next day, where grandma would come back, dressed and beautified for one last time.
We quietly made arrangements to ferry the aunties and uncles who were there. I drove Aunt Gek, her husband, Dionna, and the maid, Angel, back. But the ride was unusually quiet for all of us as we were individually trying to process and begin the grief of losing our beloved grandma. In the unearthly hours, I made a long detour back home too.
We dropped off Aunt Gek and her family, and Iris and I decided to have an early breakfast at nearly 5am. We haven't quite slept a bit, and after making all the necessary leave arrangements, we could only finish a simple Teochew fishball noodles before making our way back home for a quick rest.
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