Grandma passed away on the early morning hours on Monday, 14 August 2017. She was 95 this year.
I could clearly remember that as Iris and I were first awoken by her iPad mini's incoming call rings. Initially, I tried to brushed off the distraction by shoving the tablet into her face, before we were confronted with an unknown hand phone number. Out of curiosity, I checked my handphone as per my usual habit, and saw a list of familiar unanswered calls. They were from my Aunt Gek and my cousin Dionna.
Before long, that small innocent device on my palm rang. It was from Aunt Gek. I picked up her call and greeted her in an unpolished raw voice. "Hello, Aunt Gek."
"Hi James."
"Sorry to call you so late," she said. That was her usual apologetic yet polite way of greeting.
"The hospital just called. Grandma is not making it. You want to make a trip down immediately?"
I went into a state of shock. Iris, who was looking at me, probably overheard our conversation and stared into me with her sympathic eyes.
"Ok, I'll rush down now," I replied.
"Can you call your parents also? I called them but cannot get them," she asked.
"Sure, I'll call them," and I hung up after recovering and composing myself.
I searched through my handphone's contact list and called my dad almost immediately. No reply. He must be sleeping and left his handphone in the living room, I thought. I searched through my dad's contact profile again and dialed home instead. The phone began to ring. Within a minute, my dad picked up the call.
"Pa, Aunt Gek just called. The hospital just called and said ah ma is not making it. We need to rush to the hospital now," I said in an unhurried voice.
"Ok, can you come and pick ma and me up," he asked. "Sure, I'll come over in half an hour. See you downstairs," I replied, before hanging up the phone call.
I composed myself, got out of my bed, and I asked Iris if she should like to go hospital with me. Yes, she said. So we changed in an unfashioned manner and without hesitation, and collected our car in the multi storey carpark. I sped almost every kilometre of my journey from Buangkok to Sembawang where my parents lived, mindful of the hidden traffic speed cameras and the occasional road blocks. Thankfully, I was not picked and there were no road blocks.
Pa and Ma were patiently waiting at the deck of their housing block when we arrived about 20 minutes. The time was around 1.20am, I vividly remembered. I sped through the traffic again, clocking almost a record speed of 120km/hr, the fastest in my short 5 years of driving on Singapore roads. Pa asked me to slow down and not to rush, but for the first time probably in our relationship, I could not listen to him. Ah Ma is leaving us, I need to see her for the last time, I thought to myself.
I alighted Pa, Ma, and Iris when we reached Tan Tock Seng Hospital at around 1.40am. Finding a car lot was not a hassle, but finding my way out of the basement carpark proved a bit daunting. I rushed to the reception cum security counter, shouted to them "Ward 7B, Bed 43!"
The security lady was understanding. The gantry barrier to the lifts was almost immediately lifted, and I took the lift to the ward.
A crowd was already forming at Ward 7B. Aunt Gek, the rest of the aunties and their spouses, Pa, Ma, Iris and my sister Fann were already there. And I saw a curtain that was already drawn around grandma's bed.
I rushed over and went through the crowd to my grandma. I called out to her gently and said, "Grandma, it's me. It's James," and I gently rubbed her left hand. It was getting cold.
Tears began to fall down my cheeks as I tried to hold back. I could not.
I sobbed silently. The time has finally come for me to say my final goodbye and feel my grandma for the last time.
We waited for a few more relatives to come say their goodbyes and see grandma for the last time.
We tried in vain also to reach a few other cousins, like Jernice, who was not reachable. Aunt Gam (the fourth child of my grandma) was also not there as we heard she was sick.
Quiet conversations began to take place in small groups among us. Shortly after, the attending doctor came by and reported to us the ordeal:
The time was around 1am. The nurse on her hourly rounds checked on grandma, but found her pulse very weak. She alerted the attending doctor, who told her to immediately notify my Aunt Gek. That was when all the wee hours calls took place. In the meantime, at around 1.27am, the attending doctor checked on my grandma again, and that was where she found her pulse flat.
Grandma's death was then certified to be at 1.27am. Cause of death was due to kidney failure last stage.
And thus, very likely when we were all there, grandma has already breathed her last without seeing most of us. But scientifically, we thought that her brain was probably still active even when the heart has stopped pumping. Aunty Choo even thought that she saw tears flowing down grandma's eyes when she was beside her.
But the fact remained: grandma has passed on.
The following few hours seemed long and grim. We waited for the doctor to give us the certificate of death, while we arranged for the undertaker to come collect grandma's body. Meanwhile, we cleared out grandma's belongings at the bed and we set aside another set of clothes for grandma after the undertaker has cleaned her up.
The hours passed by slowly, and painfully.
Dad went on to collect the certificate, and after some instructions from the hospital staff, we went on to claim her body. There was another Malay family at the waiting area, and within a while we met Jason's father-in-law who was in the undertaker business.
After Dad signed all the necessary documents at the counter, we were ushered into a small room where grandma was dressed in her home clothes but wrapped in a white plastic sheet. My heart sank when I saw how she was treated.
The undertaker, Meng, went through some traditions with us which included telling grandma that she would be going to Toa Payoh to be dressed up, in what they believed would call the spirit along with the body.
Then they loaded grandma up in what seems to be a careless transfer, that I almost call out to the bearers to be gentle with my grandma. And the Toyota Hiace van was shut. I couldn't see grandma for that moment from then on.
We were told to be ready at Block 533 Hougang Avenue 8 by 10am the next day, where grandma would come back, dressed and beautified for one last time.
We quietly made arrangements to ferry the aunties and uncles who were there. I drove Aunt Gek, her husband, Dionna, and the maid, Angel, back. But the ride was unusually quiet for all of us as we were individually trying to process and begin the grief of losing our beloved grandma. In the unearthly hours, I made a long detour back home too.
We dropped off Aunt Gek and her family, and Iris and I decided to have an early breakfast at nearly 5am. We haven't quite slept a bit, and after making all the necessary leave arrangements, we could only finish a simple Teochew fishball noodles before making our way back home for a quick rest.
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